Spider-Man versus Superman
by Burichi-i
Summary: What if superheroes tried to form a mental health support group and a fight broke out? (Pure crack)


**A/N: Written for my graphic narrative class last semester. we had the prompt of "what would happen if superman ans spider man fought and who would win. This is the result. I dunno whether I should laugh or be ashamed of this...**

_Slam!_

The heavy wooden door closed behind Spider-Man as he entered the large, well lit, basement room. Peter pulled off his mask and looked around. Plastic folding chairs were arranged in a circle. Each one was filled with famous superheroes of legend: Batman, Wonder Woman, Captain America, The Flash, Iron Man, Wolverine, The Hulk, and most importantly, Superman.

'_Crap. I'm late. I knew I shouln't've taken a cab…' _Peter grumbled to himself as he plopped himself down next to Captain America into the last empty chair with a small sigh of annoyance.

'_Aw, great, he's not intimidating at all. Well at least I'll have something to talk about with Gwen on our date. That is if I can make it on time…' _

"Don't look so down, son, I think this meeting will really help us help people," said Captain America with a small smile.

"Thanks Cap. I've just other things on my mind, that's all. I'm sure this'll be great," said Peter running a hand through his messy brown hair before returning the smile.

Shortly after this exchange, a darkly clad figure stood facing the famous heroes sitting in the room. The small amount of chatter in the room ceased as he prepared to speak.

"I have asked both members of the Justice League and the Avengers to meet here today to discuss a few problems that both organizations have acknowledged having currently and in the past. I along with others have come to the conclusion that we let our emotions influence our crime fighting too much, resulting in damage to not only us but to innocent civilians."

At this Peter snorted. "Seriously, coming from you, _Bruce_, that's really rich. No seriously, pretty much every superhero could be the poster boy-

Wonder Woman cleared her throat loudly and raised one eyebrow.

"Er- I mean poster, uh… _person _of emotional issues. That's kinda what we do- angst, crime fighting, more angst. A vicious cycle really."

"Kid's got a point, Batsy," grinned Tony Stark, taking a gulp out of his flask of scotch, earning a petulant look from Steve. "Would any of us, honestly, be 'superheroes' if we didn't have the pasts that we have?"

A murmur of ascent sounded throughout the room.

"Alright. But I still want to try this…Dick told me it was a good idea," interjected Batman in an effort to get back on topic.

"Mr. Banner, why don't you go first?"

"Emotional issues? You wanna see emotional issues? I'll give you emotional issues!" exclaimed Bruce, standing up and going red in the face, arms tensed at his sides.

There was a collective gulp.

"Uh..n-no Bruce. That's fine. Someone else can go first…uh…Batman! How 'bout you!" said The Flash nervously.

"Yes. That's fine," he said with a sigh, he had just remembered the reason why he liked to work alone.

As Bruce sat back down next to Tony he whispered, "Sorry, that was mean. I really just didn't wanna speak."

Tony held back a laugh and took another drink from his flask.

"I'm Batman. As a young boy I watched my parents be gunned down by a mugger, thereby inspiring me to become a symbol of justice."

"Hi Batman," drawled Peter from his seat across the room.

'_I can't believe I listened to Dick. This was a terrible idea,' _fumed Batman.

"Clark, you're next," stated Batman as he adjusted his cape to sit down, looking at his red and blue clad associate.

With a small swish of his brightly colored cape, Superman stood up.

"Hello, I'm Superman. I fight for achieving true justice in the eyes of the law."

"Really. That's it?" exclaimed The Flash.

"Seriously. There's gotta be more to you than that buddy," questioned Peter

"Well I am the only one left of my race…sometimes I do get lonely…well unless you count my clone Superboy..."

"Ugh, don't talk to me about clones," complained Peter, putting his hand over his face in an attempt to block out any memories of Ben Reilly.

"But why do you fight for that, Clark?" asked Wonder Woman.

"Because it's right! I-I help people! Don't I?"

"Look, Superman, I don't think the world I quite that black and white? No one can be just good or evil. Everyone has a choice for what they do with the power that is given to them, even you Superman," said Peter

"I can still save people without that. I'm strong enough!"

"I never said you weren't."

"At least I didn't stand idly by while an armed robber stole money and gunned down my uncle!"

Peter's face flushed with rage. "What did you say you self-righteous pompadour!"

"Pompadour," said Tony to Cap, "is that even an insult?"

"No…not really."

"Alright buddy," said a very agitated Spider-Man, pulling on his mask, "let's take this outside."

Grinning Superman said, "Sure," and flew out of the room.

"Show off," muttered The Flash.

Spider-Man followed, putting fresh web cartridges in his wristbands. After running up the short flight of stairs, Spider-Man reached street level and jogged out of the double-door entrance to the building. Superman was floating several feet of the pavement waiting for his opponent to arrive. Spider-Man readied himself, bending his knees slightly, prepared to launch into the air after an aerial attack. Superman noticed this and shot beams of his heat vision at the younger hero below him. These were quickly dodged with a quick tuck and roll. Spider-Man launched himself into the air.

"Do you think we should go up there," asked Captain America as one of the heroes left behind.

"I guess," said Tony Stark with a shrug. "We can see how our little protégé is doing."

They ascended the stairs and the others soon followed.

_Fwip!_

Spider-Man shot his webbing at a building, swinging feet first towards the back of Superman's large torso. Sensing this, Superman turned around rapidly, catching Spider-Man's feet with his bare hands. Spider-Man twisted around and-

_Fwip!_

He shot webbing right into Superman's face. In this moment he was able to escape his herculean grip and landed lightly on the asphalt below. In the seconds that it took Superman's heat vision to remove the sticky substance covering his eyes, Spider-Man was able to begin surrounding Superman's entire body with his webbing. Superman could see this happening with his x-ray vision that allowed him to see through the substance, but was unable to act to the speedy movements of his adversary. Soon, Superman was wrapped in a tight cocoon of webbing, unable to move. The weight of the trap brought Superman down to the pavement below. Spider-Man added more webbing to the cocoon, attaching it to multiple strands to surrounding buildings to further restrict his movements. It would be a moment before Superman could muster the super-strength it would take to break through the material encasing his body. Meanwhile, Spider-Man was once again putting his crafty webbing to use. While Superman was indisposed, he stole Batman's utility belt by attaching his webbing to it and pulling so the latch at his waist would come free. The belt contained a small kryptonite rock in one of its many compartments. Using this Spider-Man was able to weaken Superman just as he was almost free of the web-cocoon.

"See it's not all about brute force, fighting takes some planning and thought…..and well in your case a well placed alien rock."

"Fine Peter, I see your point now. Thank you."

Spider-Man put away the kryptonite and offered his hand to help Superman off of the street.

"Maybe you can keep it mind next time."

"I will certainly try, Peter."


End file.
